Tag Archives: Halo

How dining in Bedlam taught me to write dialogue

Days of Wine and Roses quote copyThe family I grew up in is a loud, all-talk-at-once kind of a family, with a lot of talkative members. Family gatherings are absolute bedlam–large, loud, full of life and great food, and long on opinions and ideas. We are comprised of musicians, artists, and authors, along with engineers and software developers.

Above all, we are avid gamers of all kinds, from old-school Super Mario, to Grid Autosport, to Final Fantasy X/X-2, to Halo, to Assassin’s Creed, to  Dark Souls 2, to Minecraft–and we love to talk, loudly and all at once, about everything we love. Somehow, we all manage to have our say and allow the others have theirs, but it’s like living in a blender at times.

We, and our friends, are loud and passionate and most people love it, but every now and then a visitor can’t handle the hullabaloo.  Sometimes, less outgoing girlfriends or boyfriends don’t get it, and the general din intimidates them.

In fact most people carry on conversations, where one person says something, and the  other one answers, and this goes on like a tennis match until everything has been said.

Huh. Who knew?

So, that is how we want to write our dialogue. We want it to sound natural.

Writers need to keep in mind that when people talk, they rarely follow any grammatical rules. Any English class that writers have taken will have stressed the importance of using proper grammar and punctuation in their writing. However, when we attempt to write dialogue, those same rules should be thrown out of the window. Many times people speak in broken sentences, with pauses, and even use incorrect words.

  1. Don’t overuse character names in dialogue. People don’t use each other’s names in every sentence they speak, because it sounds silly. (“Helen, your hair is lovely.” “Thank you, Ralph.” “Do you want to watch a movie, Helen? “Sure, Ralph, but stop touching my hair.”) When you do use character names in dialogue, use them early in order to indicate to whom the speaker is talking, and after that, be sparing with the monikers.
  2. Avoid writing dialogue that’s really an excuse for “speechifying” (I love that word ♥.)  Avoid giving your characters long paragraphs with lines and lines and lines of dialogue that is uninterrupted.  In real-life conversations, people usually alternate in conversation, and like my family, they often interrupt each other. It is your job to capture the rhythm of real speech–but don’t make it choppy.
  3. The dialogue of one character shouldn’t repeat what was said by the other, unless it is for emphasis in that one instance. “So Helen, what you are saying is, ‘don’t be repetitive.'” “Yes, Ralph, don’t repeat my every word.” “Don’t repeat your sentences.”
  4. DON’T explain your dialogue by adding too many descriptors, such as: John shouted angrily, or Garran commented sulkily. If the meaning is effectively conveyed in what your characters are doing as well as saying, adding these descriptors undermines the dialogue and disengages the reader. Try removing the explanation and see if the meaning is still clear. If it isn’t clear, it’s time to rewrite. By letting the dialogue speak for itself, by describing it less and showing it more, you make it more compelling.
  5. DON’T get creative with your attributions, or ‘dialogue tags’ as we call them: stick to John said (not said John, which sounds archaic in modern literature.) Unless you absolutely need a John screamed or Edwin uttered (which you pretty much never do) just say it and let the reader do the rest. Fancy synonyms for ‘said’ are usually unnecessary and distracting.
  6. And now for my pet peeve:  people do not smile, snort or smirk dialogue. I mean really–“That’s a lovely dress,” snorted Clara. (eeew. )  In fact, it is often best to do away with attributions altogether for a few exchanges every now and then, if:  A. you have only 2 speakers, and B. you have established who is speaking.
  7. Most readers hope authors will avoid trying to convey accent by altering spelling. It gets tiresome to read an author’s attempt to rewrite the dictionary to fit a cockney or an Irish accent, so use colloquialisms and speech patterns instead. That said, if the character is making a MINOR appearance, using an accent will give the reader feeling that they know that character, without resorting to an info dump.
  8. Feel free to break the rules of grammar if your character shows a blatant disregard for what’s correct. If he wants to say, “I seen that movie last week. It were a real dud,” let him.  That is a way to show the description of your characters.
  9. Miss a few beats. Beats are little bits of physical action inserted into dialogue: John fell quiet and stared out the window. Marta turned and walked out the door. Used sparingly, these pauses serve to punctuate the dialogue, to give the scene movement, and to maintain a strong mental picture in the absence of description. They’re best placed where there is a natural break in the dialogue, because they allow the reader to experience the same pause as the characters. Pauses are essential to good dialogue, but don’t overdo it. If your characters are rattling pans, slicing apples or staring out the window between every line of dialogue, the scene becomes about the action and not the dialogue, and the impact of the conversation can be lost entirely.
  10. Once in a while, it is okay to have your characters tell a story within the story, but do it as naturally as possible. Speaking as an older person, I admit that some older character will be just dying to tell the younger ones how it really was. Please don’t use that plot twist as a crutch to dump a chunk of boring background. No one in real life wants to hear an old duffer go on about the good old days at Bob’s Fish Cannery, even if Skyler Webbley did lose a finger that was never found and didn’t notice it until his shift was over when he discovered his driving gloves didn’t fit right. (Just sayin’.)

In regard to proper use of punctuation: it is important to follow the rules in the general narrative but punctuation has a different role in dialogue. There are times when it is used to create pauses in dialogue.

Oh, dear. What have I done? Breathe, Irene, breathe! Inhale…exhale…it will be fine–it’s dialogue, for the love of  Chatty Cathy…we want it to sound normal, not necessarily literate. (Oh, dear, she’s turning blue… . Line editor down! Quick! Someone fan her with the Chicago Manual of Style!)

Or you can properly punctuate your dialogue to your heart’s content.  It’s your book, and your style–you make the decision.

Anyway, to write natural dialogue, observe others around you, see how they talk, what they do with their bodies, and where they pause. These are what you know of them as people, and are what you want to convey in your writing.  What we want our dialogue to do is  give the reader a clear visual of the scene, the characters and their environment. A truly great book is clearly visualized in the mind of reader, so give those clues and hints, but let the reader see for themselves the beauty or horror you are describing though good dialogue and properly setting the scene.




Filed under Battles, blogging, Books, Fantasy, Final Fantasy, Humor, Literature, Music, Publishing, Self Publishing, Uncategorized, writer, writing

What I’ve learned from Greg Bear

Wow.  I just made me a new BFF! I’m never going to wash my ears again (insert starry eyes here.)  I am currently at the Pacific Northwest Writers Association Conference in Seattle, Washington with my real BFF, Irene Roth Luvaul. We are having the best time and even though we are only on the second day of the event, with two more days to go, this thing has already paid for itself in what we have learned about writing, editing and the publishing industry in general.

Greg Bear - portrait-mediumThe keynote speaker was none other than Greg Bear (cue the angels) and what he had to say was more than entertaining–it was inspirational.

While still in high-school, this man and his gang of sci-fi fanatic friends used to hang out with mentor Ray Bradbury! THAT connection was invaluable to his career as writer and storyteller, working in the less-than-respectable genre of speculative fiction.

Greg’s complete dedication to the craft of writing and his passion for the genre of science fiction and fantasy comes across in his talks. He is very frank and has a sense of the ridiculous that resonates with his audience. He is a humble man, who told me he worked to deadlines because he has to pay the mortgage, and publishers frequently have deadlines.

cover_foundation and chaos, Greg BearGreg spoke about working on the foundation series after Asimov’s death, and how he frequently felt he heard the man’s voice in his head, guiding him as he was writing Foundation and Chaos. 

The best part of the evening for me was meeting the man and getting his signature on my copy of the Mongoliad, book 1. 

Irene is a champ at getting things done.  She got me moving so I was fourth in line to meet him and get his signature. I’m just going to say it–Nothing is more undignified than an old fat woman who has just met god.

cover_hull Greg BearYou will be so proud of me!  I made it all the way out of the room before SQUEEEEEing like a school girl with a front row ticket to see One Direction. I am fully convinced that by virtue of having exchanged pleasantries while he signed my copy of his book, Greg Bear and I are now best chums and will be forever.

Irene managed to get me peeled off the ceiling and back to earth, but it was dicey there, for a while.

What I learned from Greg Bear is this:  to be a writer, you must write. You must have passion for your story and you must be obsessed with your universe and the worlds therein. His passion and obsession for the craft of writing really come across in his speech. He lives in his worlds, he knows his characters and their lives better than he knows his own.

Another thing I have learned from Greg Bear is to attend writers conventions if you can.

mongoliad book 1These forums offer us the tools to advance our careers. With the huge boom in indie publishing, it is even more crucial than ever for those of us who intend to remain indies to have the edge that knowledge of the way the industry works gives us. We have to stand out of the crowd, and to do that we must have a professional product and a real marketing plan. If we intend to compete, we have to know and understand the competition.

For the indie author, the competition is the high quality of the finished product put out by traditional publishing houses who are blessed with talented staffs of editors and cover designers and their long established connections  with literary publicity publications.

We can compete. We have to put out the best, most professional product we are able to create. We have to hire editors, and pay for good covers. We have to write ‘blurbs’ that intrigue our readers. Our personal online presence when we are googled must be consistent and professional.  Attending conventions offers us the opportunity to meet people in the industry and make professional connections. It is so much more than just being an elderly fangirl.

I am inspired to write. More than ever I am driven to live this writing life, inventing improbable plots and eccentric people. And I am empowered to believe I can succeed because great storytellers like Greg Bear have gone before me, and paved the way.


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