“Spam the Vegan!” shouted the Queen. “No quarter!”

170px-Spam_ad ca 1945 Time Magazine wikipedia One of the things I’ve noticed on all of my blogs is the number of strangely phrased, oddly ambiguous but pleasant comments from random “people” with email addresses and links referencing pictures of  “hot young high-school girls, all of legal age” in compromising situations.

Yeah, right.

Strangely enough, these comments are frequently quite garbled as if they were translated to English by an old version of Google Translator. Another interesting thing is they frequently say, (and I quote,) “I need information of this more. I have search how can I get more.”   Well now, that really pertains to the conversation we were having about +Orson Scott Card and character development, doesn’t it…

And these comments are frequently addressed to much older posts, as Johanna Garth, author and blogger from Portland Oregon, has also mentioned, possibly in the hope we wouldn’t notice. (She blogs on the most interesting things, over on Losing Sanity – you should check her out!)

These enterprising hawkers of underage hookers think that if they say something nice and ambiguous  I might believe that it pertains to my blog. They think I will post their comment without checking to see what sort of links they have embedded in it!  Heh – heh – wrong!!! Grandma wasn’t born yesterday. The internet is my business, and I take business seriously.  I’ve learned quite a bit about the wolves in sheep’s’ clothing who lurk in the dingier alleys of the old web since I first began this crazy journey.

Strangely, this barrage of spam has really escalated since I began occasionally mentioning the word “VEGAN”.385px-Virgen_de_guadalupe2 unknown, wikimedia PD

I can only assume that their antiquated version of Google Translator has interpreted that word as implying that I am a “VIRGIN” and they are kindly offering me hope that one day I will no longer be afflicted thusly.

Now, we know Grandma has lived long and enjoyed every minute of her life and with four marriages behind her and 11 grandkids she is not a candidate for sainthood.  I intend to keep on enjoying life to the fullest until the universe explodes, or whatever, so party on! Play that funky music, and dance the way you feel like dancing, but don’t try to trick me into being a carrier for purveyors of sleaze.

Really, one would think that scouring the internet all day and posting random comments with sleaze-links in unknown blogs would be awfully time-consuming. The return can’t possibly be worth the effort they must put into it.  All their work in trying to insinuate links to their sleazy drivel, everything from porn to cold remedies on my blog is barking up the wrong tree, because I use Akismet here on WordPress and verify every comment that slips through so that my blog doesn’t accidentally become a festering boil on society’s rump.

I also do the same on my other blogs.  What fun!  It’s almost humorous the lengths folks will go to get you to be an unpaid advertiser for them.

Still, at least I’m doing well enough that 6 – 12 spammers a week feel my blog posts are worth wasting their time on.   Maybe it’s the same person, who knows, but hey – in this business, attention is attention, even if it’s negative attention!

I’m so happy about the extra attention that I wrote a poem:

Spam, Wonderful Spam – they know I exist, so therefore I am!

Spam, Fabulous Spam – The Nigerian Prince need MY helping hand!

Spam, marvelous spam – the meat I can’t eat as it’s not Ve-gan!

(It rhymes if you say it just right! Honest!)



Filed under Adventure, Books, Humor, Literature, Uncategorized, writing

4 responses to ““Spam the Vegan!” shouted the Queen. “No quarter!”

  1. They use software, Connie, to automatically spam blogs. No people are involved. ‘Festering boil on society’s rump’… hah! Like that 🙂


  2. The software they use probably looks for keywords about vegans and tries to spam them with school girl and cold remedy links because it’s common knowledge that Vegans are allowed to eat human (preferring school girls) and can only breath through their noses. Which reminds me, only the ABC Bakery brand girl scout cookies are vegan. The Little Brownie Bakers cookies contain whey, damn them. I suppose it’s a good thing I’m still off the refined sugar wagon…