Category Archives: Humor

Jonesing for affirmation

Der Arme Poet

Carl Spitzweg, The poor poet,1839 PD|100 yrs via Wikimedia Commons

Writing is an addiction. Oh, we don’t start out as garret-dwelling addicts. No, we start out as young people with bright futures, occasionally toying with that gateway drug–short-fiction.

At first it’s just thrill-seeking–writing a few short-stories and flash-fiction, just to see if we can. However, once we’ve felt the rush of  hearing the incredulous words, “You wrote this? This is good!” we are hooked.

The next step is often NaNoWriMo. Once you’ve done that first NaNoWriMo, you’ll never be the same.

Some fortunate people manage to walk away from it–they just do one NaNoWriMo, and quit, forever.

But for the rest of us, we are now on an eternal cycle of getting our word count and stream-of-consciousness-writing, and it will take us to the gates of perdition. Or to a local writing group–same thing, I am told.

No sane person thinks we can actually write for a living, but we can’t fight the urge.  We know we can do it, if we just keep at it. We crave that affirmation again, that incredible rush of “Oh yeah–I knew that story was all that, and I wrote it!”

At first, we still have some basic common sense. We know it isn’t cool to just quit our jobs and expect our family to live in a garret, starving, so we hang on to our day jobs and begin sneaking around, writing in secret, hiding it from our closest loved ones until we accidentally blow it–we are so high on the adrenaline rush from the incredible scene we just finished writing that we just have to tell someone.

After all, that scene is the turning point for the entire novel, and it’s golden!

So, not wanting to see the glazed look in your spouse’s eyes again, you tell the dog. Of course, the dog just has to tattle on you. Dogs can’t keep secrets, you should know that.

tumblr_ndi15fZRpu1syd000o1_500That is when it finally comes out that your every waking moment is spent on some aspect of the writing craft. Our family knew something was going on,and they were worried about our behavior.

But we’re so far gone by now that we don’t care.

If we’re lucky, the family is comprised of consummate enablers. Desperate to have some normalcy in their lives, they will try to keep us from becoming unkempt, shabby, pajama-clad writing-seminar junkies, bankrupting them with our endless, rather costly, efforts to “improve our work.”

They tell themselves that we’ll out grow the habit if they help us control our addiction. They encourage us to join free online writing and critique groups. They toss us a bone by giving us the occasional second-hand book on the craft of writing, usually by a famous author.

on writingThey have no idea just how potent an injection of inspiration that garage-sale edition of “On Writing” by Stephen King is to a hopeful author, and unknowingly they just make our condition worse.

At parties we have a sixth sense, always knowing who the other writers are just by the way they can’t focus on the conversation, and can’t wait to get  back to their work in progress, surreptitiously keying notes into their cell-phone and pretending they are texting.

We’ve never met them before, but we find ourselves exchanging knowing glances and sneaking out to the patio with our new best friend, bingeing on Leonard Elmore quotes about writing, and sharing a few morsels of Orson Scott Card’s writerly wisdom.

leonard elmore quoteA new brother-in-arms and Leonard Elmore–we’re high as a kite and having fun now. What a great party!

Shocked faces stare out the window–it’s apparent we’re having too much fun, and our families suspect we’re “ranting about our novel again.” They drag us back into the light, despairing of ever having a “normal” life again.

An intervention and rehab looms in our future.

It won’t work. It’s not an addiction you can just walk away from. When they’ve taken your laptop away and hidden the pencils, and still they catch you forming little sentences out of the ‘o’s in your cereal bowl, they will know there is no such thing as recovery for the writing addict.

Don’t worry. Soon, they will be begging you to just go to that bloody writers’ convention and get it out of your system.

Heh heh. Like that’s ever going to happen. Soon, you will be hanging out at the local coffee-shops, looking for people with their laptops open, trying to make unsuspecting new converts to your dirty little habit.

“Are you a writer too? Ever do any NaNoWriMo?”

“Wanna share a little “Writer’s Digest? C’mon, what’s the worst that can happen? It’s not like it’s illegal, or anything.”

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Filed under Books, Humor, Literature, Publishing, writer, writing

Cover Reveal: Mountains of the Moon

Mountains of the Moon will go live on June 26, 2015.

I know! What took me so long!?

Well, it’s still the wild west here in the indie publishing world. Ya gotta get your book written, then rewritten, then beta-read and revised accordingly, then edited and revised accordingly, and the cover designed and the blurb made–it all takes time!

Four years, to be exact.

A great many things conspired to hold up publication of this novel, which was actually supposed to be published before Forbidden Road, but the day is finally here.

Mountains of the Moon is a prequel to Tower of Bones. The book follows the adventures of Wynn Farmer as he discovers who he is and what he is meant to do.

Wynn is a bundle of contradictions. He is in over his head, and he knows it. Naive beyond words, and ignorant of the world in general, he says the first thing that pops into his head, does not understand the difference between sarcasm and a direct order, and tends to follow instructions to the letter. His habit of answering rhetorical questions seriously is quite aggravating to his companions.

Wynn gets his act together, though, and that is when the fun really begins.

The book also follows the paths of Jules Brendsson and Rall Ivarsson, seeing them as young men. It also introduces Devyn D’Mal, an earth-mage and (unbeknownst to him in this book) uncle of most hated villain in Neveyah.

In the meantime, here is an excerpt:

The horn blew again, and the four tired mages trooped out. “Please, Aeos, just make this misery end,” muttered Jules. “Heaven only knows what that evil woman has planned for us next.”

“That was a real thunder-lizard,” said Devyn, horror tingeing his voice. “I can’t believe they had a real thunder-lizard. What is wrong with that woman? What if it had gotten loose?”

“It was only a baby,” said Rall, sagely. “Even the holy mother’s not mad enough to bring an adult inside the city.” Internally, he was shaken. “I hate fighting those things because you can’t use magic against them.”

“I thought it was fun,” said Wynn with a tired grin. The others stopped and stared at him then resumed walking. “She’ll run out of creatures pretty soon.” He tried to conceal his disappointment.

“I hope so,” said Jules, brightening up. “I can’t think of anything she hasn’t trotted out yet.”

As the four mages reached the slope opposite the amethyst tent, a thunderous roar shook the field and the night was suddenly lit as if by the sun. An enormous dragon emerged from the dark mists, landing directly in front of the group. Flames leapt and danced along the length of its immense back. Waves of heat like that of a large house fire rolled off it, making the questers unable to get close enough to use a sword, had they been so inclined.

They were not.

“Holy…where the hell did she get a firedrake?” Rall, Jules, and Devyn scattered, giving the beast too many targets concentrate on. Fiery breath roared toward them. Blazing claws reached and slashed, first at Jules and then Devyn. The horrific head swung, looking for a victim.

Overwhelmed by the horror that now stared down at him, Wynn reacted instinctively. Without even thinking, he cast his steel-cutting bolt to crack the creature’s shields and followed up immediately with a large ice spell.

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And now, the cover:

MOTM Front Cover Final 6-18-2015

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MOTM Back Cover Final 06-18-2015

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And here is the YouTube link to my World of Neveyah, epic fantasy trailer, featuring Sway, written and performed by Margaret.

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Filed under Adventure, Books, Fantasy, Humor, Publishing, writing

Dad, the renaissance man

Fred+Flintstone+FredFlintstoneToday is Fathers Day here in the US, and my dad, long gone, is on my mind. He wanted us to be as well-educated as was possible, and I grew up in a household where reading was not only encouraged, it was required, as were music lessons, and roller-skating lessons. My younger sibs and I were definitely the product of post-war American prosperity.

During WWII, Dad had been in a radio unit. He loved radio communications even though, besides everything else a soldier carried in those days,  he marched and hiked his way across France carrying a 30lb radio on his back.

He saw many terrible things during that time, and had a few narrow escapes. He was back in the US by the day of the Ardennes Counteroffensive, known here in the US as the  Battle of the Bulge.

While my uncle, Don Hutchins, was fighting on the front in  the densely forested Ardennes region of Wallonia (Belgium), Dad had been rotated back to  Fort Bliss, Texas, USA.

Uncle Don came home from Ardennes with a metal plate in his head, and dad…dad was was riding dispatch between bases on a motorcycle and was run over by a lady driving a 1937 Woodie Station wagon, who didn’t see him and turned left, driving  right over the top of him.

Nearly every major bone in his body was broken, and in the rush to save his life, his left leg was accidentally set crooked. After he’d recovered from his other injuries, the doctors at Beaumont Army Hospital went in and re-broke his leg to set it correctly.

He developed an antibiotic resistant bone infection, osteomyelitis. He spent the next seven years in and out of Army hospitals, and in 1952 he was  forced into a medical retirement after fifteen years of service in the US Army. In 1954, when I was about a year old, they finally amputated his leg, and life went on from there.  He was never able to wear his artificial leg, as prosthetic limbs in those days were really more for show than utility.

Dad had not wasted his time when he was languishing in and out of the hospital. He had gotten his high-school diploma, and then went on to college, hoping to get a degree in engineering. He did get an Associates degree, which enabled him to work as a draftsman, a well-respected, well-paid trade.

He worked for the State of Washington, which was a good employer in those days, designing plumbing and fish ladders for salmon hatcheries, among other things. He enjoyed his job and was proud of what he did.

Even so, dad was frustrated by his rather visible handicap. He was, by nature, a volatile man. He regretted that he could no longer hunt, but he loved to fish. He bought us his dream house on Black Lake near Olympia, Washington, and fished from his boat every day that he could. But he was also a renaissance man–a voracious reader, an avid music lover, and a wickedly satirical, incredibly gifted cartoonist.

Dad absolutely adored modern technology. Every new technological wonder, from cassette recorders and loud stereos to color TVs and toy robots came into our home the day it landed on the shelf at Sears or Radio Shack. Working in engineering as a draftsman, he was a genius with a slide-rule and higher mathematics in general, but he owned one of the first electronic scientific calculators, which had cost a months’s salary.

I think about dad a lot these days. He would have been so proud to know I am a published author, and selling books to boot. He was always our biggest supporter, cheering us on in our every endeavor. Failure was never an option, but anything short of abject defeat was rewarded with a steak-and-eggs breakfast at the RibEye Restaurant.

I’m a vegan now, and dad would be completely mystified as to why I would do such a hippie/liberal thing. But he would support my right to do it, all the way to France and back.

WWII US Soldiers Marching, image  courtesy www.berkeley.edu

WWII US Soldiers Marching, image courtesy http://www.berkeley.edu

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Filed under Battles, Humor, writing

Squirrels hijacked my day.

 

An external electronic mind is a wonderful tool in the intrepid writer’s toolbox.

When you can get to it, that is.

When your computer answers your call to action.

Yes. THEN the computer is a wonderful thing.

 

Windows dialogue box 7 log-off-cartoon

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Windows Dialogue box 8 azbMYqB_700b-306x250

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windows dialogue box 3-moitor-is-not-plugin-prompt-funny-pinoy-photos

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windows dialogue box 2 end-of-universe-warning

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windows dialogue box 6 dude are you sure

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windows dialogue meme 1 imagesFile-missing-dialog

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Filed under Humor, Uncategorized, writing

Great Cover Ups

Old Restored booksBook covers. Remember when they were tooled, engraved leather, hand-made by monks? Yeah, me neither, but I do love good, well designed book covers.

We indies stress over them, and I suppose the Big 5 publishers do too, to a certain extent. But what, besides money and great designers who will make them for us, are elements that make a great book cover?

First up, in my opinion, a catchy cover has mystique. It expresses the central theme of the book, but it’s like a blurb–it can only capture one moment in time, so you have to choose what you will go for: mood, mystery, or great art.

Occam’s Razor (also known as Ockham’s Razor) comes into play here. According to iUniverse’s article on Cover Design Essentials, “…the essential theory is that unnecessary elements will decrease the overall efficiency and aesthetic appeal of a design. It can be a good indicator of why one design may succeed and another one will not. A good writer will spend hour after hour editing and re-editing their book, cutting words, paragraphs and so forth until it is “clean.” The cover designer’s method is not much different, other than it is a visual process rather than a written one.” 

In my own limited experience this is so true.  

Caged_bird2Book covers have really evolved since my childhood. They used to be quite simple, with the art kept to a minimum. In the 1950’s and 60’s, book covers were stark, modern–and in my opinion, boring, such as Maya Angelou’s I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.

My great problem is, I have always known what catches my eye, but not how to achieve it. So what are the simple, affordable elements of a good, catchy cover?

Again, iUniverse says (and I quote) good covers:

  1. Fall within the norms for your genre but visually stand out among other books.
  2. Appeal to readers and convince them to take a closer look at your book with a strong visual presence.
  3. Reflect the content of your book and expose readers to your writing style.
  4. Convince a potential reader to invest in a literary journey with your story.

Well, that is a hell of a lot to pack into a cover. And it’s hard to do! I am struggling with this aspect of being an indie. I am an artist, but until 2010 my work has been mostly in pastels and pencil. But I love Photoshop, and have been spending a lot of time designing covers and and learning how to make the graphics and the title a part of the art that captures the eye, but does not detract from the cover art.

I have been examining a lot of wonderful book covers, trying to define what it was about them that I liked so that my next book cover will be more true to what I want it to be. Being an old dog learning a new trick, I must learn from the masters.

So, here are only a few of my all-time favorite book covers, in no particular order:

Simple and to the point: The Martian, by Andy Weir tells us everything we need to know–this is going to be a hell of an adventure.

The MArtian Andy Weir

♦♦♦♦

Grail Quest, by J.R. Rain, cover artist not credited–intriguing, and made me want to look inside.

Grail, JR Rain 2

♦♦♦♦

To Green Angel Tower, Tad Williams, as painted by the brilliant Michael Whelan–representing the mood, characters, and setting of the book, and visually stunning. I can’t replicate this sort of beauty, but I can admire it, nonetheless.

Green_Angel_Tower_P1

♦♦♦♦

Heart Search book three: Betrayed, Carlie M.A. Cullen, cover by Nicole Antonia Carro. Completely speaks to what is inside the book–dark, mysterious, and a bit vampiric.

Betrayal front cover

♦♦♦♦

Roadmarks, Roger Zelazny, cover by the late Darrell K. Sweet. Simple, well-placed elements, promising a real roller-coaster ride inside.

Roadmarks_first

♦♦♦♦

The Girl With All the Gifts, M.R. Carey–almost retro 1970s, yet intriguing. 

The_Girl_with_All_the_Gifts m.r. carey

♦♦♦♦

Children of the Elementi, Ceri Clark–this cover is a real winner, as much for the graphics as for the stunning yet simple art.

children of the  elementi

♦♦♦♦

Antithesis, Kacey Vanderkarr — cover art by Najla Qamber.

Antithesis by Kacey Vanderkar

♦♦♦♦

For me, books that portray the features of the characters on the cover are a bit dicey. They never look the way I, as the reader, think they should. So, usually I find myself gravitating to the symbolic aspects of the cover and ignoring the artist’s conception of the characters. I want mystique, intrigue…the hint of danger and adventure. A book cover must flip the switch on my curiosity, make me wonder what is inside…and that particular trigger is subjective.

Each reader is lured by something different, which is what makes this aspect of indie publishing so difficult. However, I am beginning to understand what it is that I am looking for when I am drawn to a cover, so…I’ve been busy learning graphic design. I will be doing a cover reveal for my forthcoming book, Mountains of the Moon, a book based in the World of Neveyah, the same world as the as Tower of Bones series, and which is set to be released July 15, 2015.

My son, Dan, who is a graphic designer has really given me some pointers on this particular cover. I have been to “YouTube University,” and learned how to make vectors for this cover (I made two!) and I have learned several other unique little tricks of Photoshop. I have the layout finalized, and the graphics, and will be revealing it at the end of June.

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Filed under Books, Humor, Literature, Publishing, writing

Why I #amblogging

edgar allen poe quoteWriters need to write every day–that is a given. Writing every day takes discipline and dedication. We writers are often told we are undisciplined and lack drive, but nothing could be further from the truth. We simply lack the desire to do what we are told, and have this story that needs to be told.

Sometimes we have nothing to write that will advance our current work in progress. Inspiration has failed us. We have a kajillion ideas about things we could be writing, and things we plan to write…but nothing that sings in regard to the  task at hand.

When that happens, I sit down and look back through what has already been written, and inspiration fires me up again.

Other times, nothing. That is when I blog on the craft of writing. The act of blogging loosens my imagination when it is stuck.

One of the first chores I was given by my first publisher, was to blog regularly, at least once a week. This, he said, would help get my name out there, and give me a regular platform for my opinions.

I had no idea what I would ever blog about, and the idea of just sitting down and rambling on about nothing and then publishing it made me feel a bit faint. I have no issue with rambling on–I am grandma, it’s what I do. But publishing it weekly?

It began, as all love affairs do, somewhat awkwardly. I wrote short, stilted posts that were obviously forced and took days to write. I felt like blogging had taken up a large chunk of real estate in my writing time, and I resented it.

Then one day I didn’t know what to write about. The only thing I was interested in talking about was either books I had read or books I was writing. I found the words flowed easily when I talked about either of those. Thus was born this blog, Life in the Realm of Fantasy. This is where I talk about everything from Don Quixote to serial commas.

Blogging regularly has helped me to write more freely when I am using a stream-of-consciousness style of writing, such as during NaNoWriMo.

I have also made many friends through blogging, people all over the world who I may never meet in person, but who I am fond of, nevertheless.

And blogging is where I develop my seminars on the craft of writing. I find that talking to you about the craft helps me organize my thoughts. And, although I hate to say it, my first publisher was right about blogging. Blogging regularly does get your author name out there and does showcase what you are able to do.

I recommend blogging to anyone who has a craft they are passionate about. You want to talk about that craft, but your spouse’s eyes glaze over when you launch into one of your discussions.

Well, let me tell you, the internet is full of folks who want to talk about that same craft. Take welding–there are hundreds of blogs about welding, some popular, and some just getting started. Who knew welding was such a hot topic? Obsessed people make poor conversationalists, but writing a weekly blog about what you are passionate about gives you that platform to wax poetic about what you love.

If you want to know more about getting your own blog up and running, see my post of April 20, 2014: The Girl with the Tolstoy Tattoo:

  • Keep it down to about 1000 words more or less.
  • Use the spellchecker tool to look for obvious errors.
  • Write in in draft form and don’t publish it right away–come back and read it over again, and make corrections.
  • If you use information found elsewhere, quote it and credit the author
  • Use images that are either public domain, or that you have the right to use
  • Put links to other informative sites in the text

Blogging is fun. It’s where I blow off steam and grow as a writer. Every author should blog regularly–some of my most inspired moments have happened here in this crazy blog.

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Filed under Humor, Literature, Publishing, Uncategorized, writer, writing

Technology #upgrade for when I #amwriting

Square Card Reader 1Two months ago, I got a new thingamajig for writing. I was actually upgrading the phone so that I could get a Square Card Reader to take credit card payments at book fairs. But when we walked in the door at the phone store our wireless provider made us a deal we couldn’t refuse: a Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 7-inch tablet for just .99 cents, to go with my fine new Galaxy s5 phone.

Technically my upgrade was “free,” and .99 cents seemed like a deal.

So of course I leaped on it. But then I had to get the heavy-duty Otterboxes to protect both the tablet($39.99)  and the phone ($29.99) The Otterboxes would have been cheaper at Amazon.

Square Card ReaderI also got the Square Card Reader while I was there, ($9.99)and well worth the price. I can now accept Visa, MasterCard, American Express, and Discover–or cash.

And of course, we had to upgrade the wireless plan to accommodate the new technology, so what with a nickel here and a dime there, we were beyond broke when we walked out of there, but we were technologically up-to-date.

We couldn’t afford to pay attention at that point, but on  the plus side,  I had this wonderful tablet. It’s an awesome way  to get email and check Facebook for the onslaught of grumpy cat memes.  All my reading apps are on there now, Kindle and Nook–so I can read any book in beautiful, clear color.

Or I can play Majong in bed instead of reading.

Acer-Aspire-One-AOD257-4I’ve been complaining about my Acer laptop for a year now, but I don’t have the funds to replace it. The wretched thing is a small, red boat-anchor. It takes an hour to load anything. I just need five or six hundred dollars to replace it with a better brand, which isn’t going to happen soon.

My new tablet’s charge lasts about 8 hours, and the it only weighs a little more than the cell phone I went to upgrade in the first place. It travels well in my purse, and so does the little external keyboard.

The tablet comes with a touchscreen keyboard, of course, but it isn’t very useful for an ungraceful typist like me, and I couldn’t see myself writing a book using one. Some people do, or so I hear.

Tablet and keyboardBUT, with a few accessories, my little tablet has become a great, if limited, word-processor. First of all, the top of the Otterbox converts to an easel for it, so it sits up at the perfect angle.

With the addition of the Bluetooth keyboard I can easily key anything with as much accuracy and speed as ever. It will be excellent for write-ins.

There is a reason it took me two months to get this circus on the road.

When I first got the tablet it came with a free word-processing app that had glowing reviews, but which I quite honestly thought sucked, Hancom Office. This app might work well enough for someone else, but it was useless to me.

It looks just like WORD, and seems to have most of the tools, but it wouldn’t connect to Dropbox or Google Drive.

Oh, I could do all the writing I wanted, and when I saved it,  it seemed to have been saved just fine. But the next time I opened that document, it had NOT been saved. Hours of work down the tubes, because I couldn’t make the darn thing save a document that had been edited. Nothing I edited and saved was actually saved.

I went to the internet to find a solution. The internet was rife with all sorts of posts touting how awesome a product it is compared to WORD, but apparently no one has that issue, so there were no solutions.

So, I thought it was just me, and I kept trying to figure out what the problem was.

Maybe it was just me, but  after two months of trying unsuccessfully to make that app work, I nearly gave up, thinking perhaps the tablet just wasn’t a good fit for me. On a whim, I went looking for Microsoft apps. I am really pleased with what I found.

SO, yes, in order to make this amazing little beast useful for what I need it for, I did have to buy some apps and get an external keyboard.

Costs to get Tablet up and running

Despite accidentally purchasing one item from Google Play that shows up on my Paypal account but I can’t figure out and don’t know what it is so I can’t return it, the Office Suite 8 was amazingly cheap as compared to the large cash outlay for my desktop programs. It is the shell for the Word, PowerPoint, and Excel programs, which cost nothing. Maybe you can get these apps for less elsewhere, but I just wanted to get it done so I could use it.

Now I can access my dropbox files, and work in any environment–a huge plus when I am on the road so much.

MajongFor me, this will not come near replacing my HP desktop. The screen is too small for my elderly eyes. Even with the extra font pack, the WORD app is limited in what it can do as compared to the full desktop program, so I don’t see me trying to edit or format a book–the little app is not appropriate for that, although I hear that it can be done. It doesn’t really have a good spell-check, and cutting and pasting without a mouse is a bit dicey. I’ll have to remember my keyboard shortcuts for that.

But I do like the way I can write anywhere in the house or on the back porch, or at a Starbucks, with ease, and on a machine that doesn’t randomly freeze up on me.

Or I can play Majong.

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Filed under Humor, Publishing, Uncategorized, writer, writing

#Proofreading is not #editing

Epic Fails signWhile some people will dispute this, proofreading is not editing.

Proofreading is done after the final revisions have been made, and hopefully it is done by someone who has not seen the manuscript before. That way, they will see it through new eyes, and the small things in your otherwise perfect manuscripts will stand out.

Anita Campbell, in her May 28, 2015 guest post for the SBA’s Blog-Industry Word says: “The first step of effective proofreading is understanding that not every typo or issue is alike.  Each needs to be attacked in a different way.” While she is speaking of editing blogposts, and short works, that profoundly true of longer manuscripts.

Even though an editor has combed your manuscript and you have made thousands of corrections, both large and small, there may be places where the reader’s eye will stop. Words have been left out, punctuation is missing–any number of small, hard-to-detect things can occur even after the most thorough of edits.

After the final edit we go over our work with a fine-toothed comb, trying to proof it ourselves. We read it aloud, and we read it from the bottom up, but our eye sees what it expects to see. We catch many things, but we don’t catch it all.

This is where the third person in the process comes in–the proofreader.

First of all, proofreading is not editing. Editing is a process that I have discussed at length elsewhere, and is completed long before we get to the proofreading stage.

SO, at the outset, the proofreader must understand that no matter how tempting it may be, they have not been invited to edit the manuscript for content. That has already been done and done again. If they cannot refrain from asking for large revisions regarding your style and content, find another proofreader.

What The Proofreader Should Look For:

Spelling—misspelled words, and homophones (words that sound the same but are spelled differently). These are words that spell-checker may or may not catch, so a human eye is critical for this.

  • Wrong:  Bobby wint out the door, slamming the screen.
  • Right:  Bobby went out the door, slamming the screen.
  • Wrong: There cat escaped and he had to chase it
  • Right: Their cat escaped and he had to chase it.

Repeated words and cut-and-paste errors. These are insidious and damned difficult to spot, and spell-checker won’t find always them. Sometimes they seem like unusually garbled sentences.

  • Wrong: First of all, First of all, it is accepted practice to italicize thoughts.
  • WrongFirst of all, it is accepted practice to practice thoughts.
  • Wrong: First of all, it is accepted to ot  thoughts.
  • Right: First of all, it is accepted practice to italicize thoughts.

Missing closed quotes:

  • Wrong: “Doctor Mendel, you’re new to the area. What do you know about the dead man? asked Officer Shultz.
  • Right: “Doctor Mendel, you’re new to the area. What do you know about the dead man? asked Officer Shultz.

Numbers that are digits:

  • Wrong: There will be 3000 guests at the reception.
  • Right: There will be 300 guests at the reception.

Dropped and missing words:

  • Wrong: Within minutes the place was crawling with cops, and Officer Shultz was sitting at my kitchen table me gently while I made hot water for tea.
  • Right: Within minutes the place was crawling with cops, and Officer Shultz was sitting at my kitchen table grilling me gently, while I made hot water for tea.

keep clam and proofread

Each time you create a new passage in your already edited manuscript, you run the risk of creating another undetected error.

At some point your manuscript is done. You have been through the editing process, and the content and structure is as good as you can get it, but you need one last eye looking for small flaws. Before you upload that masterpiece to Kindle or wherever, do yourself a favor and have it proofread by an intelligent reader, who understands what you are asking them to do and who is willing to do only that.

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#Inspiration: Oppression, rebellion and art

Hunters in the Snow, Pieter Bruegel the Elder, via Wikimedia Commons

Hunters in the Snow, Pieter Bruegel the Elder, via Wikimedia Commons

Writing, even writing fantasy, involves a certain amount of reality checking. You need to know how things actually worked.

Say you need to know what clothing the common European people wore during the renaissance looked like and how they dressed, both for celebrations, and for working.

I go to the 16th and 17th century painters and artists for that information. They always painted their subject with a heavy dose of religious allegory, but that was a part of village life–both the inquisition and the reformation was under way and the politics of religion was in the very air they breathed.

Any time you want an idea of average European village life in the Late Middle Ages through the 17th century, you need look no further than Wikimedia Commons.  There, under the heading  Category:Painters from the Northern Netherlands (before 1830) you will find the brilliant works of the Dutch Masters. These were artists living in what is now The Netherlands, and who were creating accurate records of the everyday life of the common people, along with stylized religious images.

During the 16th century, the Netherlands fought an 80 year war, trying to gain their independence from Spain, during the heart of the Spanish Inquisition. This was a period of extreme oppression and religious rebellion, and the art of times portrayed that very clearly.

I have learned, by rooting around the internet (so it must be true), that everything in the paintings of the time, no matter how commonplace, was allegorical, symbolic of some higher message. In art history (which I have always wanted to study), iconography is a visual language. This means that the way a subject is depicted and the way the image is organized, such as the number of figures used, their placing and gestures, all have specific meanings. The allegories they painted made heavy use of this visual language.

One particular family of of early Dutch painters from the county of Flanders pique my interest, the Brueghel Family. Five generations of their family were well-known painters, and print-makers.

One of my favorite early Dutch paintings is the Wedding Dance, by Pieter Brueghel the Elder:

The Wedding Dance, c.1566 (oil on panel) by Bruegel, Pieter the Elder (c.1525-69)

The Wedding Dance, c.1566 (oil on panel) by Bruegel, Pieter the Elder (c.1525-69)

What makes this painting so spectacular to me is the amazing detail of the clothing. They loved color. From Wikipedia: The painting depicts 125 wedding guests. As was customary in the Renaissance period, the brides wore black and men wore codpieces. Voyeurism is depicted throughout the entire art work; dancing was tabooed at the time by the authorities and the church, and the painting can be seen as both a critique and comic depiction of a stereotypical oversexed, overindulgent, peasant class of the times.

All of these people are depicted as plump, which was a desirable trait–they were prosperous and not starving. All the things that (to this day) make a great party are there: music, food, and dancing. The men wear codpieces, emphasizing their male anatomy in the same way that in today’s society, women’s breasts are hyper-sexualized.  Perhaps codpieces should make a comeback in the men’s fashion world. I’ll show off my babyfeeders, if you parade your babymaker–that way we’ll both be sure we are getting something worth having. (or not.)

Anyway, back to the renaissance. They paid taxes, and this his how their IRS office looked to Brueghel’s eldest son, Pieter Jr. As you can see, not a lot has changed between then and now–we still pay in chickens and eggs. (heh heh.)

Pieter_Brueghel_the_Younger_(or_workshop)_The_Payment_of_the_Tithes_

The Payment of the Tithes (The tax-collector), also known as Village Lawyer, Pieter Bruegel, the Younger, signed P Brueghel

Brueghel’s eldest son, Pieter the Younger,  was never considered as fine a painter as his father or his brother, Jan Brueghel. He was considered a fine print-maker and his work shop was highly regarded. But he was not respected as an artist. Critics of the day felt he copied his father’s style, rather than developing his own. While he did paint in a folk-art style reminiscent of his father’s, his is sharper, more refined, taking it to the next level.

Notice how the people in the above picture are looking lean and ragged though, as opposed to the wedding picture painted by Pieter the Elder. The Little Ice Age had really gripped Europe, and times were hard.

So here is a painting by the second son of Pieter Brueghel the Elder, and a man who fathered his own dynasty of artists, Jan Bruegel the Elder. This is called People Dancing on a Riverbank and by their dress, with the neck-ruffs, you can see it depicts a wealthier class than his brother’s images, perhaps the merchant class rather than the peasants.

People_dancing_on_a_river_bank_by_Jan_Brueghel_the_elder

People Dancing on a riverbank, Jan Bruegel the elder, via Wikimedia Commons

One hundred years later, the Dutch were famous for their painters–and everyone wanted to own a Dutch masterpiece. Times had become quite hard, as the climate had cooled and crops regularly failed. Once-prosperous families often lived in the ruins of their family manors.

Peasants_in_an_Interior_(1661)_Adriaen_van_Ostade

Peasants in an Interior, Adriaen Van Ostade (1661) via Wikimedia Commons

In the above picture by Adriaen Van Ostade, these peasants are living in an enormous, decrepit farmhouse, almost like squatters. They are no longer plump, and are living in filthy conditions. The fire in the fireplace is very low, as if fuel was scarce.

Another famous Dutch painting, from the same time period but showing a different segment of society is The Milkmaid, by Johannes Vermeer. In this painting, Vermeer shows an everyday task, a small glimpse of something that occurred daily in every household, a woman cooking.

The Milkmaid, Johannes Vermeer, via Wikimedia Commons

The Milkmaid, Johannes Vermeer, via Wikimedia Commons

In the background on the floor is a foot-warmer which was filled with coals and was an essential luxury, showing this was one of the wealthier households.

According to Wikipedia, the fount of all knowledge: By depicting the working maid in the act of careful cooking, the artist presents not just a picture of an everyday scene, but one with ethical and social value. The humble woman is using common ingredients and otherwise useless stale bread to create a pleasurable product for the household.

I love art depicting the lives of ordinary people. I find the small details intriguing. It shows us that in many ways we are not that different than they were. We want food, decent shelter, and of course, stylish clothes to attract a mate.

And back then as it does now, a hint of anything taboo would most certainly find its way into even a religious painting.

The best part of all this is, a woman with an average education and on a tight budget (like me) can enjoy these wonderful works of art at will. I can examine them  in as much detail as I want, and take all the time I want, and no one will stop me or throw me out of their museum for loitering, because the internet is open all hours and is free.

Wikimedia Commons is a great resource to just roam around in, even when you are not looking for something specific.

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More Disintegrating Eglish…Enlish…#language

gibberish-american businesses onlineThis weekend I happened to be out on Facebook. A friend of mine had a fun thread going, regarding the way English seems to sliding in a new direction. I find this interesting in same the way a cat finds a snake intriguing.

I want to play with it, but it may bite me.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, English is the ever-disintegrating language. The very roots of English encourage this continual evolution.

Think about it–a bunch of smart guys in Victorian England applied the rules of a dead language, Latin, to an evolving language with completely different roots, Frisian, added a bunch of mish-mash words and usages invented by William Shakespeare, and called it “Grammar.”

We had a short discussion about words that either signify lazy speech habits or a shift in the language and came up with this short list, that is only the tip of the pox-ridden iceberg:

gibberish quoteSupposably…oh wait, did you mean supposedly?

Liberry…no sir you must go to the library for those books–the liberry can only give you hives.

Feberry...I hope you mean it will happen in February, because Feberry will never come.

Honestness...In all honesty I am not sure what to make of that one.

But my particular favorite is Prolly, which my granddaughters seem to think means Probably, but in all honestness, doesn’t.

It’s not a new problem. Jonathan Swift, writer and dean of St. Patrick’s Cathedral in Dublin, complained to Robert Harley, 1st Earl of Oxford and Earl Mortimer, in 1712: “Our Language is extremely imperfect. Its daily Improvements are by no means in proportion to its daily Corruptions; and the Pretenders to polish and refine it, have chiefly multiplied Abuses and Absurdities.” He went so far as to say, “In many Instances, it offends against every Part of Grammar.”

Well, that is prolly a little harsh.

English is like water–it shifts, it flows, it steals what it wants from every other language it comes across. That is what makes it so fun to play with. And also is what makes it so difficult to work with.

 

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